Last Orders...

So apparently Milan is the place to be seen this season. Not content with high fashion and convenience to the Alps, AC Milan have decided they need a hard running scruffy midfielder to pep up the city. And of course not to be outdone, it seems Inter are going to do their best to spruce up things in the community and throw an Alex Hleb into the mix to match their piazzas
and slick locals on Mopeds. Now, Flamini I can see wandering the streets of Milan.. he looks like he has a fashionable Italian somewhere in his gene pool - but Alex Hleb? Have you ever seen someone with a more communist hair cut?

Now last week I got a bit negative.. and my local loyal column readers took umbrage... so i've upped my dose of lithium and i'm going to now investigate the bright side of this seasons rumour milling.

We can already expect Flamini to leave. Yes he was a brilliant runner, tough tackler and all round good team player... but lets look at this sensibly. He was only as good as Edu, Petit, Patrick Vieira and a smidgen better than Alberto Mendez.... well.. erm.. whatever. Point is, if there is one thing Arsene seems to do well, it's fine good central midfielder's. I've read a lot this week about how few decent ball winning midfielder's are available at the moment, but seriously, hands up if you would have put Flamini's name in that list this time last year? So obviously Arsene has a bit of a clue... or at least some sort of laboratory where he can design midfielder's. I've always felt Arsene had the mad scientist about him.. it certainly explains Jens Lehmann.. surely nobody is that strange unless they are the victim of a horrible experiment?

So although I'm disappointed to see Mathieu leave, but I'm sure we can replace him. I'm sure there is a 19yr old half Icelandic half Botswanan golfer who doesn't realise he is ready to be converted into the next Patrick Vieira... And of course there is Fran Merida to come into the team next season.

Alex Hleb is also off to a place that sells marginally better gelato than Avenell Rd... but hopefully we're going to get someone who likes Hula Hoops and Polo mints.. and bangs in goals for fun from the wing rather than weaseling his way passes 5 defenders into the box only to fake a shot and cut the ball back to his own goalkeeper.

I was never convinced by Hleb I have to say. At his peak for us he had a bit of the Bergkamp's about him, but at his worst he was more Jan Kronkamp. He has lacked an end product for 3 seasons now and for all he provides, we really miss a player like Bob Pires. Besides, Alex Hleb I'm told can't even grow facial hair.

And of course there is Gilberto (I hear the creaks in his legs from here in Sydney) and Senderos (poor lad's gone mental). So really... the only way is up.

So lets all sit back, not get sucked in.. and await the start of next season. And be nice to the chubby bus driver, the old lady in line at the supermarket..cos we all know how Arsene works and they could be the unexpected next star of our wonderful team.

And if that's not true at least the locals here won't be giving me as much grief until next week.

By Paul Wright

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